


Instant Crush

by thegreatgayjatsby



Category: Homestuck, MS Paint Adventures
Genre: A little off-canon, Daft Punk inspired, Equius you conniving shit, Future-fic, M/M, Mentions of Karkat - Freeform, Mentions of Nepeta, Other, Ridiculously realistic robots, Robot!Eridan, Sensory conduit, Smut, They heck in the third chapter, Trolldroids, Zahhak Insutries, mentions of Equius, mentions of dirk, mostly canon-compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-02-07
Updated: 2014-02-10
Packaged: 2018-01-11 12:25:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,723
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1173042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegreatgayjatsby/pseuds/thegreatgayjatsby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sollux purchases a personalized Trolldroid from Zahhak Industries, and it's suspiciously alike to Eridan.</p><p>(Alternatively, Sollux misses Eridan after the group's split up, and he decides to make a way-too realistic robot in his place. Shenanigans ensue, and eventually, the real Eridan finds out, due to Equius' meddling.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Damn it Guy and Thomas look what you made me do.  
> Freaking Daft Punk tho.  
> Please comment?

Sollux had never been particularly keen on the more physical aspect of technology, preferring the infinite freedom of coding and cyberspace. There was only one weakness he had with physicality and technology, of course, with robots. 

The yellow-blood had been lonely for a long, long time. Or, it wasn’t loneliness, just more of a lack of emotion. He’d gotten the idea to make such a grand purchase when Karkat had called him a robot for not coming out of his hive for three days and only grunting when asked why.

Maybe the only company he was suited to was that of a technological nature. Sollux had never been too fond of other trolls, anyways. So, late one night, on a whim, he logged onto his husktop and opened his internet browser, typing into the search bar, ‘personal robot zahhak’.

He’d first heard of them when Nepeta had pestered him for the first time in ages, bragging about Equius’ new company and androids. The highblood apparently had formed Zahhak Industries with his dancestor, Horuss, and Strider’s older version, Dirk. The three had been excelling with robotics, quickly taking the lead on Alternia as the number one robotics company.

Their products were expensive, but top notch. Sollux was, quite frankly, interested. He clicked on the link to their website and scrolled to their Trolldroid page, and he smirked a little at the available options. There were several different pre-made, ready to order models, at least twelve. One styled for each blood-color, including mutant and seadweller. 

Sollux, however, was more leaning towards a personalized Trolldroid, and he clicked the build-your-own option. A blank page popped up and a blue Sagittarius symbol, the diagonal line a pair of triangular shades instead of only a plane.

The yellow-blood snorted at the blatant company symbolics, and when the page loaded, he started the process of creating his personalized Trolldroid. The first selection was blood-color. He hesitated, unsure of his plan for a second, mouse hovering.

Then, with a sigh, he clicked on violet, second-class seadweller. The progress bar filled up a little with, too Sollux’s amusement, violet, and the first step was checked. He advanced to the next decision, which was a long form of personalizations.

TECHNICAL

Height- [5’9’’.]  
Weight- [160(lbs).]  
Type of Body/Build- [Mesomorph.]  
Skin Tone- [Lightly tanned.]  
Skin Type- [Salt-softened.]  
Shape of Face- [Square; especially in jaw.]  
Astrological Sign- [Aquarius.]  
Glasses/Contacts- [Glasses.]

He hesitated as suddenly, the questions got a lot more in-depth. Personal was right. A new choice popped up when he selected glasses, frame types.

Frame Type- [Hipster.]  
Hair Color- [Black.]  
Distinguishable Hair Feature- [Front, centered violet weft.]  
Type of Hair- [Coarse, thick.]  
Typical Hairstyle- [Slicked back, artfully tousled.]  
Distinguishing Marks (Scars/Tattoos)- [Yellow Gemini symbol tattoo.]  
Location of Distinguishing Marks (Scars/Tattoos)- [Right inner hip.]

ATTITUDE

Accent/Vocality- [Slightly Eastern, warble.]  
Vocal Expressions/Quirks- [Fish-puns.]  
Sexual Experience- [Intermediate.]

Sollux hesitated again, the question about sexuality and such setting him on edge. It was a robot yeah, but still. The options; virgin, novice, intermediate, advanced, excelled; set him on edge. It was sort of odd. But still, he continued.

Clicking the ‘==>’ which permitted him to advance to the payment and package options, he began to fill out the information.

Name of Recipient: [Sollux Captor.]  
Address: [...]  
Payment Option: [Trollcard.]  
Final Package: [Personalized.]  
Date of Delivery (Preferred)- [3-5 Business Days.]

Inhaling slightly, he took a moment, then clicked the little blue arrow again. A screen lit up, reading out;

Thank you for purchasing a Trolldroid Model 2.0 (Personalized)©, Zahhak Industries 2014. Your transaction has been approved and your Trolldroid will arrive in 3-5 business days! 

Sollux exhaled upon reading the words, sitting back in his chair and lifting a finger to nibble at the claw. Alright. There was no backing out of this now. He had a Trolldroid, and he could only hope he’d made the right decision in purchasing it.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux receives the package.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is so dorky.   
> Daft Punk I just can't even--

Sollux had tried as much as he could to put his purchase out of mind for the remainder of the day, and week, in the later case. He mostly succeeded, but when the package finally arrived, he was more than anxious.

It wasn’t that he doubted Zahhak’s ability to construct such a perfect representation of a model, it was just the fact that the Trolldroid would be flawless. Sollux wasn’t accustomed to having anything except for bees-and sometimes a dancestor-to take care of. 

To put it frankly, he was worried about getting something so precious-expensive, emotionally, and all in all, something to be treasured. Fretting, and not-yet regretting the impulse-buy, Sollux nearly had a heart attack when the doorbell rang.

He took a few minutes to calm himself before heading downstairs and opening the front door. The package-delivery drone was already busying itself with driving off, leaving a tall, wide package on the troll’s doorstep. 

He licked his lips and geared up his psionics, enveloping the package and guiding it inside before setting it in his socialblock. He somewhat nervously approached it after closing and re-locking the door, inspecting the firm cardboard and wood combination with a critical eye for any damages.

When Sollux was satisfied with the state of the box, he headed to the kitchen for an exacto knife, slitting the copious amounts of tape from the crease of the box lid. When he was finished with the top, he repeated doing so with the sides, cutting through the cardboard carefully to reveal a wooden crate inside. 

He followed the stamped directions, and he opened the crate slowly and carefully, the box swinging open on a pair of hinges. The door revealed the most beautiful troll he had ever seen. He was absolutely floored. Zahhak’s advertisements had been right, the troll inside the crate was exactly how he’d imagined-but better.

Sollux switched on the socialblock main light to see better, and he was astounded by the fine details crafted into the Trolldroid. “Jegu’th...” He breathed out, almost too nervous to touch it.

He was beautiful, clothed only in a pair of white, loose pants and a white shirt with a blue Zahhak Industries symbol embroidered on the breast pocket of the blouse. The troll’s body was lithe, but broad, an oxymoron of beauty. His jawline was strong, and he looked all the highblood he was based off of.

Everything, even down to the eyelashes gracing his face like wispy feathers on ashen snow, was flawless. Sollux had never felt his blood-pusher get so excited over something so trivial before. Gog, he was right to have bought this. The money he’d lost was definitely worth it, even if it was just to stare.

Inside the crate was a booklet with instructions on operating the Trolldroid, and he flipped open to the first page with a heavy sigh, immensely pleased with himself. 

To activate your Trolldroid©, adjust the flip behind the right ear from the off setting to the on setting. A small light in relation to the blood-color of your chosen model will illuminate when your Trolldroid© has been successfully activated. Please read the rest of this manual before activating your Trolldroid© in order to ensure that you fully understand how to work your Trolldroid©. 

Following the statement was a paragraph of small print, nothing that Sollux was interested. Having known the instructions would have sounded so formal, he set the pamphlet down and reached out. Briefly taking a moment to steel himself, he touched his very fingertips to the surprisingly realistic skin of the Trolldroid’s cheek.

The ‘skin’ was cold and lifeless, and it sent a shiver down Sollux’s spine. It was truly like real skin, the texture, the consistency of the faux oil. It was miraculous. Slowly, he ghosted his hand back behind the delicate, membranial earfin, and he flicked the switch, feeling it lock into the on position and taking a step back.

A gentle hum filled the room as the Trolldroid powered on for what Sollux assumed was the first time. The first sign of movement truly was like a troll waking up, the earfins twitching quickly. There was no sign of joints and hinges as the robot’s eyes slid open, a brilliant violet and yellow piercing Sollux.

It took Sollux a moment to take it all in, the Trolldroid stepping out of the crate fluidly and looking around before settling his gaze back on Sollux. Every detail was exactly how Sollux remembered. He wasn’t really surprised, it looked as if Equius had given the robot his own personal touch from memory of its formsake.

For all he could tell, standing before him was Eridan Ampora, in the flesh.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sollux explores Eridan's sensory conduits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They fuck.

The robot blinked twice, the movement of his eyelids seamless. Then, he spoke. “Sollux Captor?”

Sollux was taken aback by the quality of the Trolldroid’s voice, his blood-pusher speeding up at the warbling, accented, obnoxious tone. “Y-Ye’th. That’th me.”

The Trolldroid smiled sharkishly, and Sollux stared at the way his lips pulled back like he was real. There were no bolts or really any sort of joint visible, not even on his knuckles. “W-whale, salutations.” The mechanical seadweller continued, looking around Sollux’s hive with a critical eye.

“Yeah. Hey...ED.” Sollux responded slowly, unsure of why he felt so unsettled calling the droid by Eridan’s name. 

The purpose of the Trolldroid was to be Eridan, anyways. Or at least, the Eridan from their youth. He hadn’t really had any contact with the violet-blood since they’d all went off to their own lives. 

Eridan-or, robot-Eridan-moved a little, bouncing on the balls of his feet and looking around. “Is that w-what you w-wish to adress me by?” He asked calmly, having been programmed to do so.

“Your name is Eridan Ampora.” Sollux stated a little awkwardly, taking a step forward and reaching out to touch his face.

The Trolldroid stood stock-still, and Sollux could feel gentle puffs of warm breath on his hand as he rested his very fingertips on Eridan’s face. “Jegu’th, you’re th’o reali’th’tic.” He murmured, almost to himself.

The faux skin was warm to the touch, and the yellow-blood just couldn’t get over how, well, freaky, this was. “I w-was built that w-way on purpose.” Eridan agreed, tipping his head a little into Sollux’s touch.

“And what ‘purpo’th’e’ would that be?” Sollux asked warily, his lisp kicking in even worse than usual as he gently guided Eridan forward a few steps, away from the crate.

“W-whale, most of us Trolldroids are used for pailin’.” His earfins twitched a little, and he cocked his head to watch as Sollux began to circle him slowly.

Sollux’s face flushed as he admired the Trolldroid, swallowing a little. “Ah, yeah, I thought th’o...” He muttered softly, hands coming up to rest on Eridan’s waist from behind.

The sensory conduits must have been top-notch, for Eridan stiffened before relaxing, almost like he’d not been expecting the touch. This was a little too much for Sollux, and he quickly let go, inhaling sharply.

“Th’orry.” He apologized weakly, not sorry at all, as the response had been positively delicious. 

Eridan turned to gaze over his shoulder at Sollux with a blank but not lifeless look in his eyes. “It’s fine. You’re in control. Unless you w-want me to be. I’m to do w-whatev-ver you w-want.” 

Sollux nodded a little, inclining his head only briefly to show he understood. “Th’o...do you need to eat?”

“Did you ev-ven read the manual?” Came the snarky retort, and Sollux smirked up at the slightly taller Trolldroid.

“You’re th’till the th’ame, I th’ee.” He remarked, swatting Eridan’s shoulder playfully.

The Trolldroid moved then, casual and very realistically. His muscles contracted and then released, and he darted away from the blow only to lightly slap Sollux’s arm in response. The touch was light and playful, and it took Sollux’s breath away.

Although he’d initially made the purchase to be a jerk and so he could cure his chronic-loneliness, it wasn’t as if the yellow-blood hadn’t been thinking about engaging in pailing relations with the droid. It was one of the purposes, as advertised on the information page. He’d read plenty of reviews about pailing with Trolldroids on the internet, and they all seemed to be positive.

Only a tiny bit hesitant, Sollux framed Eridan’s strong face in his hands and drew the droid down, leaning up at the same time until he could kiss him. The Trolldroid made a soft noise, the intricate gills lining his neck flaring a little. 

It only took him a moment to truly respond, and soon, Eridan was eagerly kissing back, earfins drooping with pleasure and his hands sliding up Sollux’s chest to rest on his shoulders. Sollux hummed gently, deep in his throat, and carefully bit down on Eridan’s lower lip. 

Eridan hissed quietly and nipped him right back, giving just enough pressure to not hurt but to sting a little. Sollux let one of his hands travel down to rest on Eridan’s neck, his thumb absentmindedly rubbing at a gill-slit. 

The Trolldroid let out a breathless moan and sank closer, eyes closed behind his dorky hipster specs. Sollux grinned into the kiss and ran his other hand down to grab at his ass, which was rather pliable to what he’d expected. 

All the more pleased, Sollux broke away from the kiss to inspect the robot, who had flushed light violet and was breathing heavily. “N-nngh, Sol...” He whined softly, arching his back a little and pressing his ass back into Sollux’s hand.

Sollux squeezed a little and dragged him back, slowly trailing a hand up to play with his fluttering earfins. The membrane was soft and Sollux leaned in to bite it lightly, swiping his tongue over the delicate skin. Eridan mewled, clinging and trying to grind against Sollux already.

A very noticeable bulge could be felt against Sollux’s upper thigh, and he grinned at that, his hands tried to touch everything at once. One continued to cup Eridan’s ass, massaging a little, and the other slid down the front of his white factory pants.

The Trolldroid moaned Sollux’s name, knees buckling as he finally let his full weight hang on Sollux’s shoulders. The yellow-blood growled and adjusted them, throwing Eridan to the couch behind them.

Eridan sat and whimpered up at him, his ears pinned back and his eyes wide with desperation. Sollux smirked and straddled his lap in one fluid motion, reaching again and wrapping his hand around the squirming, slick bulge that was currently making a mess of the front of the white slacks.

The Trolldroid groaned gratefully, his head tipping back and lolling against the back of the couch. Sollux snickered into his ear and nibbled over the edge of his collarbone within the span of a few seconds, beginning to pump his hand slow and gentle with teasing strokes.

Eridan growled a little, looking frustrated, and jammed his hand between them in response, grinding his hips up to increase friction between them as he groped Sollux’s twin bulges. The robot grinned when Sollux’s hand momentarily tightened, his hips stuttering up weakly.  
“Fuck, ED...” He groaned, hips rolling down against Eridan’s as the droid pushed up in response.

“Mnn, Sol~!” The Trolldroid gasped, gazing at him with hazy, half-lidded eyes.

Eridan’s hand tightened briefly, then sped up, clearly trying to draw Sollux over the edge first. Sollux’s bulges curled around Eridan’s fist, writhing and soiling his skin with yellow genetic fluid. 

The seadweller’s movements were beginning to get jerky, and he seemed to lose himself in the pleasure, fucking Sollux’s hand eagerly as he got closer to his peak. Sollux felt his glasses slipping down the bridge of his nose and he groaned, arching his back as he felt the coil in his stomach snap.

Sollux cried out and threw his head back, spilling yellow all over Eridan’s hand. The seadweller released the second Sollux did, his grip clenching around his bulges and milking them until they were both a panting, filthy mess, entwined there on the couch.

Gasping for air, Sollux leaned forward, gently touching his forehead to Eridan’s shoulder. The Trolldroid’s arms slid up around him, slow and easy, and shakily, Sollux pressed a kiss to the droid’s cheek. 

“Fuck.” He muttered, eyes closed as he lay there limply.

“W-we just did.” Eridan snarked, nuzzling his face in Sollux’s hair.

Sollux felt his blood-pusher jolt. Fuck.


End file.
